Spock The Romantic
by theCalliope
Summary: Hoping for a new sibling, Spock attempts to add romance to his parents' lives. Now complete!
1. A Plan

"Why do I not have any siblings?" Spock asked his mother one morning. A few weeks ago, he had turned eight, and a good number of his classmates had new brothers and sisters.

Amanda paused.

"Why do you ask?" she queried.

Loneliness around the house, wanting to be a mentor, not liking being the the only part-Vulcan in the universe. There were a lot of reasons.

"Curiosity," Spock stated.

"Well ..." Amanda started, "When I was pregnant with you, there were a lot of complications, and it was really hard not knowing whether things would turn out, so when you were born, your father and I decided that it would be best to just count our blessings and not try to have any more children."

"I apologize," Spock replied quietly.

"Oh, don't worry," his mother said quickly, putting her arms around him, "You were worth it."

Spock nodded, but he thought her logic was faulty. If having him was worth the challenges, so would having another baby.

"Do you ever wish you had a brother or sister?" she asked

"Sometimes," Spock admitted, "Some of my classmates have brought their baby siblings in for show and tell, and I kind of like them."

Amanda looked sad.

"Well you know what," she suggested, "If you like babies, Surlek has a new sister, and I bet his mom could use a pair of babysitters."

Spock didn't think this would be the same, but he replied,

"I will try that mother."

"Oh, and wait," Amanda said, "Let me give you some baking for his mother. And make sure you say 'Congratulations'."

*****

Surlek wasn't the brightest or the most personable boy, but he was Spock's best friend. He was tall and odd-looking and the kids made fun of him, but he was unwaveringly loyal, and never failed to stand up for Spock.

It was a few weeks before Surlek's mother allowed them to care for the baby. This didn't surprise Spock. Surlek was forgetful and easily distracted. Spock wasn't sure if he would trust him with a baby either.

"How did you convince her?" Spock asked.

"I do not know," Surelek replied, "For twenty-three days, I have asked her, and she said no, but today, she said 'Yes please' and gave her to me."

Surlek also had a bag with some diapers and a few boxes of vegetable juice. They walked to a playhouse that Spock and Amanda had built many years ago in the backyard, and sat down.

Surlek handed Spock the baby. She happened to have the same name as Spock's bonded mate, T'Pring.

"I wish I had a sister," Spock said longingly, redoing the bow in her hair.

"You can borrow her," Surlek offered, "Be a cousin or an uncle or something."

"But I want a half-human sister," he said.

Surlek shrugged,

"What can you do?"

"I am going to figure out how to get my parents to have a baby," Spock said.

"But you will have to wait," Surlek countered, "Everyone knows that babies are only born in the spring of sevens."

"I suspect that is not the case," Spock responded, "My mother is human, and humans have babies year round. I just need to do some research to find out how."

The baby started crying, and Spock gave her some vegetable juice. Then Amanda walked in.

"Is that baby T'Pring!?" she squealed. Surlek nodded.

"She is so sweet," Amanda crooned picking her up. She bounced her a bit.

"It's been so long since I've held a baby," she whispered. He voice was a combination of joy and excitement and perhaps that human emotion, regret.

Amanda whispered baby talk, and this confirmed Spock's suspicions – that regardless of what she said, his mother really wanted another baby.

She is sure lucky she has such a logical son to help her out, Spock thought proudly.

*****

"I have made progress on my research," Spock declared. He and Surlek were in the playhouse, caring for T'Pring again.

"What research?" Surlek asked.

Spock looked at him disdainfully, as if it was obvious.

"Research for Project New Sibling," he said.

Surlek looked uneasy.

"You know you are going to have to get them to, well, mate," he said finally.

"I know that," Spock replied, "The question is how."

Surlek took the baby on his lap.

"You could ask them," he suggested.

"That will not work," Spock said quickly, "As my mother is illogical and does not know she wants a baby yet."

Surlek looked confused.

"What is your plan then?"

"Well ..." Spock said a bit proudly, "I was looking up why so many babies are born in the spring, and I found a human article that says it is due to summer _romance_."

Spock said the word in standard.

"What is _romance_?" Surlek asked.

"I looked that up too," Spock replied, casting Surlek a glare, as if he expected to be appreciated for how smart he was, "The Vulcan-English dictionary said that it is a human term for a setting or mood that encourages one to engage in mating behaviours."

Surlek stared at him blankly.

"Do you not see how helpful this is?" Spock cried, "All I need to do to get them to mate is to create _romance_."

Spock was smiling, and Surlek gave him the sign they had agreed on to indicate this, tapping two fingers on his throat. Spock quickly stifled the smile.

"And even better," he continued, forcing monotone, "I found instructions."

He held up a PADD bearing the title, _Ways to Add Romance to Your Marriage_.

* * *

**_A/N: Writing about little Spock in the last fic was so fun I wanted to write more :) This is written for the following LJ prompt:_**

_Little Spock is lonely. He feels that the only one who could ever truly understand him is another half-human, half-Vulcan. So, he sneakily tries to get his parents to make him a sibling._


	2. Wine and Chocolate

"I need to find some wine and chocolate," Spock told Surlek the next time they were in the playhouse. T'Pring had learned to roll, so they were coaxing her to roll across the floor between them.

"What is chocolate?" Surlek asked.

"It is a human food, extracted from the cocoa bean," Lebena stated. She was sharp and popular and would never admit to hanging out with Spock and Surlek at school, but she sometimes came by to visit them afterwards.

"And it says right here," Spock continued, "That wine and chocolate will cause your partner to throw caution to the wind."

"And what does that mean?" Surlek asked, sounding a bit annoyed.

"That they will be less cautious," Spock answered.

"And what does caution have to do with mating?" Surlek demanded.

Spock didn't know, but Lebena answered grandly,

"The average human woman mates almost five thousand times in her lifetime."

"Sorry Spock," she added, seeing Surlek's look of horror, "Can you imagine having five thousand children? You would not have enough rooms for all of them. So it is logical that humans would want to be cautious with regards to mating."

Her tone made it clear that she found this entertaining.

"How do you know that you will not marry a human?" Spock demanded, bemused.

"If I did," Lebena replied, "I would make him sign a prenuptial agreement limiting the amount of mating he is entitled to."

Spock thought that this seemed needlessly magisterial.

"This does not solve the issue of where to obtain wine and chocolate," Spock went on.

"You could go to the grocery store," Surlek suggested, rolling T'Pring across the floor. Lebena leaned over and snatched her up, glaring at the boys as if they ought to know better.

"I do not believe these items are usual on Vulcan," Spock stated.

"Where does your mother get her human food?" Lebena asked.

This was a very good question.

*****

Several times, Spock's parents had told him to add any food he ate the last of to the grocery list. Looking more closely, he saw that it was a grocery store order form that was sent out once a week. The day before it was sent, Spock waited until his mother went out and added cocoa and grape juice. The store didn't stock wine, but Spock thought he could make some himslef.

As soon as the order arrived, Spock picked out the cocoa and the juice.

"Make sure you put that in the fridge when you are done," the maid called after him, but he put it under his bed to ferment instead. He hid the cocoa in the cupboard to for later.

Spock waited until Mother's day, and offered to make his mother dinner instead of breakfast in bed.

"That's so sweet," she answered.

The maid helped him prepare a simple salad, and then left him to make the cake. He had helped his mother so many times he was sure he could get it right. He added a lot of cocoa, and noting that it had a very offensive odour, put in some extra vanilla to cover it up.

Spock got out the grape juice and smelled it. He was disappointed to see that it didn't appear to have fermented. The ingredients contained preservatives. He hadn't noticed that before.

Taking it up to his father's laboratory, he confirmed that it did not contain any alcohol. Spock figured he would have to improvise, so he poured in some laboratory ethanol. He wasn't sure how much was enough, so he put in half the bottle.

Spock set the table, and his parents sat down with him.

"Grape juice!" his mother said, "It's been so long since I've had grape juice. I didn't know you liked it."

"I read about it and wanted to try some," Spock replied, which wasn't quite a lie.

Sarek thought it was too sweet and only had a sip, but Amanda drank two glasses.

"This certainly has a lot of vanilla in it," Amanda said when she tried the cake, and only mashed it up on her plate, and upon tasting it, Spock did the same thing. But Sarek ate a large slice.

Spock had a plan for how he was going to observe his parents, but he didn't need to use it. As he walked down the hall, he saw that his father had his mother pinned against the bedroom wall and was kissing her, with the door wide open.

"Amanda," he said grandly in a way that echoed through the hall way, "I loved you since the moment I saw you ..."

"Ow, you're hurting me," Amanda replied, "You don't realize how heavy you are."

"And then I realized," Sarek's voice rang out, "That there could be no other woman ..."

"You're standing on my foot!" Amanda exclaimed. Sarek moved off of it, stumbling slightly. He tore her shirt off at the seams, and began kissing her heavily.

"Sarek!" Amanda scolded weakly, but then gave in and began kissing back.

Spock watched excitedly.

They went on for a minute, until Amanda came up for air. A look of disorientation came over her face, and then she leaned over her husband's shoulder and threw up. Sarek looked startled for a minute, and then passed out, falling over backwards.

Seeing his mother had just thrown up all over the carpet, Spock did the logical thing. He called the maid.

"Go to bed," she said as soon as she saw them, "I will take care of this."

Looking back, Spock felt a little bit disappointed, but mostly he felt sorry.


	3. A Romantic Vacation

"_Homemaker's Weekly_ says that wine and chocolate make excellent mother's day gifts," Spock told his mother the next day. This was technically true.

His mother gave him an exasperated, rather bleary-eyed glare.

"I know you meant well," she said finally, "But please never add anything to my food again."

Spock thought that he had learned a rather unfortunate lesson in that already.

His father didn't get up until the afternoon, and when he did, Spock saw that his parents weren't getting along. Normally, Amanda would dote on Sarek if he was even the slightest bit ill, accusing him of working too hard, but today, she ignored him. And she slammed the dish down in front of him when he asked for dinner.

Spock realized that he would have to intervene. This certainly wasn't conducive to mating behaviour.

*****

"I need to find a way to get my parents to go on vacation," Spock told Surlek the next day. Surlek was trying to teach T'Pring to stand by lifting her onto her feet and letting her fall on her bottom.

"Why?" he asked.

"It says right here that a vacation is a great way to rekindle _romance_, especially after an argument," Spock replied, indicating the PADD he was holding.

"You could make your house inhabitable," Surlek suggested, picking up T'Pring and dropping her. She started crying. Spock got up and gave her some candy so that she would be quiet.

"But then they would take me with them," Spock disagreed, "And this article makes it clear that one does not take children a _romantic_ vacation."

"That is illogical," Surlek countered, "I would think that having children around would make people see how great they are and want to make more of them."

From across the playhouse, Spock saw that T'Pring was trying to swallow a candy wrapper and quickly ran to fish it out of her mouth.

"Besides," Surlek continued, "Your parents travel without you all the time. If that article is correct, why do you not have any siblings?"

Spock was disinclined to take anecdotal evidence over printed information, but pretended to agree. Surlek had given him an idea.

*****

Looking through his parents' travel plans, Spock found the perfect opportunity. His father was planning on attending a one day conference in Paris, which multiple sources assured him was the most romantic of destinations.

Spock decided to reschedule the transport so that his parents would be stuck there for longer than intended. He wasn't sure when to schedule the new transport, as he wasn't sure how long they would need to mate. An issue of _Cosmopolitan_ magazine said that it took an average of 15 'thrusts', but Spock couldn't find a unit of time called a 'thrust' defined anywhere, and the article didn't include a standard deviation. In the end, he set them up for an extra two days, and hoped it would be enough.

Eventually, his parents left on this particular excursion, and Spock found Surlek on the playground.

"I bet my parents are making me a new sibling right now," Spock told him excitedly. Surlek tapped two fingers on his throat.

"How was your vacation, mother?" Spock asked as soon as his parents got home. He instantly realized that he had given himself away, he should have used the word 'trip', but his mother didn't seem to notice.

"Okay, I guess," she answered, "They messed up our transport home and we had to spend an extra two days. It was minus thirty degrees in Paris, so we went to see my parents."

Looking it up on the computer, Spock discovered that there were over twenty cities on Earth named Paris. Fascinating.

Later that evening, Spock slipped into his closet. When he was a baby, it had been a hallway that his parents could use to go check on him, but now that he was old enough to sleep on his own, they had added a door at each end and converted it into a storage area. Spock crawled to his parents' side and watched through the cracks in the door.

Sarek put on his nightshirt, and then turned to Amanda and said something. Spock didn't know all the words, but the general idea was that after having agreed to that sort of weekend, Amanda better be willing to engage in mating behaviour.

Spock's ears pricked up excitedly.

"Sarek!" Amanda exclaimed, "Are you telling me that after all I've put with from your family, you think it's a huge burden to put up with people who call each other _pet names_!?"

Sarek nodded.

"Well this just takes the cake ..." Amanda snarled under her breath, followed by several English swear words that Spock didn't know.

Spock saw his parents get into bed, and they appeared to be sleeping as far away from each other as possible.

He crawled out of the closet disappointed.


	4. A Hot New Outfit

"A hot new outfit may be just what you need for a _romantic _evening," Spock read out loud.

Surlek looked confused.

"I thought that mating required clothing removal," he said slowly, "Would warm clothing not make the process slower?"

"Perhaps they would want to take it off because it was sweaty," Spock guessed, seeing Surlek's point.

Lebena glared at Spock and Surlek disdainfully. She was feeding T'Pring vegetable juice, having confiscated her from the two boys for what she claimed were safety reasons.

"Have you not read a single human fashion magazine?" she demanded.

The boys shook their heads quickly.

"_Hot_ means sexually attractive."

Surlek looked confused again.

"I hope I am never sexually attracted to clothing," he commented.

"Not the clothing, Surlek," she said in an insulting tone, "The person in the clothing. I mean would you rather mate with someone in visually appealing clothing or in ugly, worn-out clothing?"

He turned to Spock and shrugged, as if he would rather play chess.

But Spock was glad that Lebena knew what she was talking about.

****

Spock and Lebena were sitting on the floor of Lebena's living room surrounded by cut-outs of different outfits. They had removed everything that was labelled 'hot' from her magazines, and were now trying to figure out what the qualities a 'hot' outfit were.

"Perhaps to be 'hot' an outfit must be revealing," Spock suggested. But Lebena pointed to a picture of a floor-length ballroom gown.

"Or maybe it needs to be ornate," guessed Lebena, but Spock found a picture of an outfit that appeared to be made of nothing but neon spandex.

"Perhaps the cloth is pleasing to the touch," Spock said, but Lebena pointed out that many of the outfits included jeans, and denim was kind of rough.

In the end, she suggested that Spock look for a store.

"There are so many stores on Earth," she said, "There has to be one that sells nothing but hot outfits."

*****

When the package arrived, Spock ran upstairs and quickly put in on his parents' dresser. As they went to bed, he watched from the closet.

"Sarek," Amanda said, "There's a package for you."

"I did not order any clothing," Sarek replied, turning it over and looking at it.

"Remember that shipment that was lost last year?" Amanda answered, "Maybe they found some of it. You should try it on."

She turned around and started putting on her nightgown while Sarek opened the package and put the contents on.

"This is two centimetres too large in the waist," Sarek stated.

Amanda turned to look at him. And then she started laughing.

The outfit consisted of a green tunic that was short in the front had a hole cut out in the back. It certainly was revealing.

Underneath the tunic was a set of long silk stockings, which were very pleasing to the touch.

And it came with a feathered cap, which was certainly ornate.

The online store had called the outfit _Robin Wood_, and Spock had noted that many customers had commented that it was 'hot'.

"I did not order this," Sarek stated demurely when Amanda had stopped laughing.

"I know that!" she spat weakly and then laughed some more.

"My sister must have sent it," she mused eventually, "She is the biggest prankster."

Sarek gave her an annoyed look.

"A sister that knows your measurements down to two centimeters," she added with a wink, "You really should be flattered."

"Should you call her?" Sarek asked, as if he was unsure of social protocol.

"No," Amanda said, pursing her lips, "But I will send her a package of my own." Her eyes twinkled as she said this.

She moved to touch Sarek, but then she saw his rear sticking out of the hole in the back and keeled over and started laughing. Hysterical and tumultuous laughing. For a minute, she stopped, but then she looked up and saw her husband and started shrieking again, leaning weakly against the bed. Spock thought his father looked a bit dejected as he took the costume off.

Spock spent all night in the closet, but he saw no sign of mating. He wondered if he had bought the wrong outfit.

Maybe he should have gone for _Friar Fuck_.

* * *

**_A/N: I wasn't going to update today, but then I saw a _June Cleavage _outfit for sale and couldn't resist :)_**


	5. Adult Toys

"What sort of toys do adults play with?" Spock asked Lebena.

"Adults do not play with toys," she responded.

"That was my understanding," Spock agreed, "But this article says otherwise. It says that one should play with adult toys in order to add _romance_ to a relationship."

Lebena shrugged,

"All I can say is that an adult playing with a toy is something I have never seen."

*****

Spock asked everyone they knew, and they all gave the same answer. Sure they had seen their parents playing chess. They had even seen them tossing a ball with a sibling. But playing with actual toys? Never.

Spock kept asking. He asked Surlek. He asked the kids on the playground. He even asked his teacher.

"Adults do not play with toys," she had barked, "Toys are beneficial to development, as they help children practice what would otherwise be boring and repetitive actions. But it is illogical for adults to play with toys, because they are already developed."

Spock nodded his head in agreement. That was what he had thought in the first place.

*****

Spock was pleased, however, to discover that there were several listings for 'Adult Toys' in the _Universal Business Directory_. None of them shipped to Vulcan, but he figured he could at least inquire.

"I am interested in some adult toys," Spock said to the Comm. screen as soon as the clerk picked up. Looking around, the store seemed a bit dark and dank, and there was nothing that he recognized as a plaything.

The clerk stared at him.

"Are you a Vulcan?" he asked.

"Yes," Spock responded, and after a minute added, "But I could pay extra for shipping."

This didn't seem to register.

"And how old are you?" the clerk asked.

"Eight years, nine months and twenty–three days."

The clerk turned around.

"Hey, we have an eight-year-old Vulcan here who wants to buy some adult toys," the he yelled out to the store, and another clerk, a girl, came to sit next to him.

"I'm sorry, we usually don't sell adult toys to children," she said gently, with a bit of a smile.

That figured. Spock was never old enough to do anything.

But then he remembered a time when he gone to a store with his father, and he'd gotten special consideration by talking to the manager.

"Perhaps I could talk to Mr. XXX," he suggested.

"Who?" the girl clerk asked.

"Mr. XXX, the proprietor."

The store was called _XXX Accessories_.

The clerks stared at him.

"I simply want to buy some toys for my parents," he stated.

Suddenly, a look of realization came over the clerk's face.

"Oh," she said, "You want _toy_ toys."

Spock wasn't sure how these were different from normal toys, but he nodded.

"I would try _Galactic Gadgets_," she advised, with a tight smile.

*****

The clerks at _Galactic Gadgets_ were far more helpful, and Spock ordered a couple of Rubik's cubes and a Scrabble set. They assured Spock that both were widely enjoyed by adults.

"Do you want to play Scrabble with me?" Spock asked his parents as soon as the set arrived.

"Of course," Amanda agreed, explaining the rules to Sarek.

"I've always been really good," she added, "It comes from being a teacher."

Amanda drew first, and put down the word _CLERGY_. She seemed really pleased at the number of points she got.

"What dictionary are we playing with?" Sarek queried. Amanda looked as if she thought this was a strange question, but answered,

"Oxford."

Sarek played SYZYGIAL.

"That is not a word!" Amanda protested.

"It is in the Oxford dictionary," he stated.

Amanda made a face.

"It is," Spock defended him, "It is also in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the Earth standard dictionary and six of the seven other dictionaries I have read."

Amanda sighed, and it was Spock's turn. He quickly put down QUILLAI.

Amanda looked irritated.

*****

After the game, Spock slipped into the closet and peered through the cracks in the door. He had left a pair of Rubik's cubes on his parents' bed, a complicated arrangement for his father, and a simple one for his mother.

Sarek picked his up, solved it within ten seconds and put it on the bedside table.

"I wonder why Spock left these here?" Amanda asked. She got into bed, and started on hers, "Perhaps Spock was having trouble solving them."

Amanda continued to twist, but made no headway.

"That is unlikely," Sarek replied, "It is not a very difficult problem. I do not care if the boy is half goldfish, Rubik's cubes are well within the capabilities of an eight-year-old to solve."

"I don't like what you're implying!" Amanda cried.

"That difficulty solving basic math problems might come from your side of the family?" Sarek suggested smugly, looking at the cube in her hand, which had yet to have a single row the same colour.

Amanda slammed it down on the bedside table with a bit of a 'hmmph'.

Spock waited until his parents were asleep before he crept across the room, solved his mother's cube and replaced it on the beside table.


	6. The Silent Treatment

The next day, Spock's parents weren't talking. Or at least Amanda wasn't. At first, Spock thought it might just be an unusually quiet morning, but then Sarek picked up the paper and asked,

"Have you read this yet?"

Amanda gave no reply.

She looked pointedly at Spock and said,

"I'm not talking to him."

Spock kept his comments to himself.

Sarek continued with his one-sided conversation, but Amanda remained silent.

"What would you like to do today?" she said eventually, to Spock.

There were three suggestions left in the romance article: have a bath together, eat a candlelit dinner and learn something new together. Considering that the bath might be a bit crowded and it was hours before dinner, Spock asked,

"Can we go to the aerospace museum?"

It happened to be one of his favorite places on Vulcan.

"Spock has been to the aerospace museum six times in the last nine months. Visiting again would be illogical," Sarek interjected.

"Of course we can go," Amanda agreed over him, and then added, raising her voice, "Your father doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to."

Spock was pleased. According to the article, the museum would be romantic. And they had rockets.

*****

Spock and Amanda walked through the gates of the museum, followed begrudgingly by Sarek. The first exhibit showed different types of engines. Spock ran up to them excitedly.

"Spock has certainly memorized every facet of these engines, but he is still excited to see them," Sarek commented.

Amanda ignored him.

Spock stepped into the chamber of a twenty-first century nuclear spaceshuttle engine.

"You are encouraging emotionalism," Sarek continued.

"I think it's my right to encourage emotionalism in my kid," Amanda defended, and then realized that she had talked. She walked off toward Spock, lest she be tempted again.

"I can tell that even you are bored," Sarek stated, catching up. Spock put down the pistons he was looking at. This would not do.

"Shall we go watch one of the educational holos?" he asked.

At least both parents wouldn't be allowed to talk in there.

*****

"She requires translation plates in Standard," Sarek said to the attendant as soon as they walked in.

"I can speak Vulcan!" Amanda corrected in very good Vulcan.

Sarek gave the attendant a look, as if Amanda was an invalid who only thought she could speak Vulcan.

The attendant brought the plates.

Afterwards, they walked into the rocket exhibit. Spock looked around without straying too far from his parents.

"I think you should tell me why you are upset," Sarek demanded.

Amanda said nothing.

"It is illogical to stay silent, as it may be something that could be easily rectified," Sarek went on in monotone.

"Exactly. And then I'd have to talk to you," Amanda snapped.

Sarek raised his eyebrows, indicating that not only had she talked, but what she had said was completely illogical.

"I am so sick of you!" she cried out. Everyone stared at her including Sarek.

Spock looked around. Clearly the article had been wrong on this one.

"I want to leave now," he said to his mother.

He hated when he had to leave places because his parents couldn't behave he thought to himself.

*****

Sarek and Amanda argued all the way home.

Amanda was tired of Sarek thinking she was an idiot and talking down to her.

Sarek didn't like how Amanda was always dismissive and assumed he couldn't possibly understand anything about her.

Spock got away from them as soon as they arrived home.

Several hours later they were still fighting. Their argument had devolved into a general airing of all grievances in their twelve year relationship.

Spock asked the maid for dinner, but he couldn't eat much. He couldn't help but feel that he was somehow responsible for the disagreement. Going upstairs, and noting that they were at least quieter now, he deleted all his romance research. This just wasn't worth it.

Finally, Spock's parents were quiet. Half-wondering if they'd managed to kill each other, he crawled into the closet and peeked through the cracks. Spock was shocked by what he saw.

His parents were standing in the corner, kissing. They still seemed angry, in fact, at one point, Amanda threatened,

"I you weren't so hot I'd--"

But Sarek cut her off with a kiss, as if it was a clearly moot point. Soon they were in bed, tearing at each other's clothes.

And there was mating. Repeated, aggressive mating. Eventually, Spock walked off bored.

The next day, he could barely wait to get to school. He yelled to Surlek and discretely motioned to Lebena.

Success!


	7. The Secret Comes Out

"Only eight months, twenty-eight days, four hours and six minutes until my new sibling is born," Spock told Surlek a couple of days later. He was cradling T'Pring in anticipation.

"You are lucky," Surlek replied, "I never even knew my mother was pregnant until she came home with a baby one day."

Spock had always suspected that Surlek wasn't very observant.

"I guess it is good--" Spock started, but then stopped himself. He was already so excited. How was he going to wait so long?

*****

"Surlek and I taught T'Pring to swing on the swings today," Spock told his parents at dinner.

It had been a week, and his parents had yet to say anything, so Spock was making a point of mentioning babies as much as possible to remind them.

"You sure do like playing with her," Amanda commented.

"She is adorable," replied Spock, hoping to make his appreciation for siblings clear.

Amanda gave him a strange look.

*****

A few days later, Spock, Surlek and Lebena were in the playhouse when Amanda came by with some lemonade.

"She is expecting, you know," Spock said out loud as soon as she was out of earshot.

Lebena looked at him tentatively,

"I suspect she is not," she said finally.

"Why?" Spock demanded, not really believing her.

"Surlek's mother was cranky, had bags under her eyes and was as big as a house when she was pregnant," she responded.

"She seemed normal to me," Surlek contradicted darkly.

Spock's heart started to sink.

"Maybe it is different for humans," he suggested quickly.

"What you need to do," Lebena mused, resting her chin in her hand, "Is test her bodily fluids."

Spock wondered if she was teasing him.

"And how am I going to do that?" he demanded.

"You could ask her," Surlek suggested.

Spock didn't even bother explaining why this was a bad idea.

*****

Spock ran into the house and found one of his mother's used glasses. He walked up to his father's lab and swabbed the saliva. Spock looked up the indicative hormones on the computer and found that they were easy enough to scan for. But they weren't in the sample. He scanned three times.

Spock got up and put the scanner away, and then lowered his head in despair. This was how his mother found him.

"Spock, what's wrong?" she asked as soon as she saw him. He lifted his head slowly and looked her in the eye.

"Mother," he asked solemnly, "Will I always be alone?"

She looked sympathetic, but also a bit confused.

"Did you have a fight with Lebena?" she guessed, putting an arm around his shoulder.

He shook his head sadly.

"No," he whispered, "You are not pregnant."

"Why would you ever think that?" she asked quizzically. She wore a concerned expression, as if she was never going to eat another caramel sundae again.

"I tried ..." Spock wailed, "I tried ... I found chocolate ... and toys ... and that outfit for father ... and I thought that maybe if I could get you to act _romantic_ ..."

He paused and looked at his mother despondently.

Slowly, the entire story came out. Amanda gasped at some parts and stifled laughter at others. And she did seem quite worried about the package she had sent her sister.

"Well, Spock," she said finally, "I think you know you've been deceptive and deep down you know that you were wrong."

And he did. He sniffed loudly.

"But you seemed to like T'Pring so much," he answered finally, "I thought you wanted a new baby."

"Come here Spock," Amanda said, picking him up and sitting down in a chair. She breathed a long sigh,

"It's not that I don't want one ... it's just that it would be too dangerous. How would you like it if I were to die," Spock's grip tightened reflexively, "Or your new sibling were to die?"

Spock looked at her apologetically, and she spoke quietly,

"We're both just going to have to accept that you're not going to have any siblings."

He and Amanda said silently for a long while.

"But why did it not work?" Spock asked eventually. And he gave his mother a look that said that he wouldn't believe her if she said it all just hadn't been romantic enough.

"I'm going to have to tell you about something called birth control," she responded after a pause.

"Which is something," she added quickly, "That I expect you not to tamper with."

* * *

_**A/N: That's all folks! Sorry this chapter wasn't so funny, but I had to finish off somehow. Please review if you haven't had the chance yet :)**_


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